Defining oneself in times of difficulty

We all know what it feels like to experience hardship. We all experience difficulty regularly; therefore every one of us has a unique way of dealing with it.  

We all experience difficulty, it's part of being human.

Hardship and toil make us stronger. That sense of power and strength you experience after tackling difficulties is a feeling like no other. 

You feel infinite - the sky your limit.

However it is during that time of struggle that we must be our strongest. We must be able to sustain ourselves during the difficult moments; otherwise we will never experience the good times.

“Unless you have bad times, you can't appreciate the good times” 

– Joe Torre

So how do I personally get through the tough moments? I have three go-to methods that I rely upon:

#1- The Power of Mothers

My number one go to person in life is my Mum. It might sound  cliché, but she really is the one person I can count on to discuss absolutely anything. I believe that no matter how old you get, the majority of people never stop relying on their Mum.  Whether it is advice on boyfriends, where to travel, or parenting advice- your Mum has the answer to everything, or at least advice to start the thinking process. However, more than just knowledge, they have the ability to keep you calm. 

Your Mum keeps you grounded when you feel like the world is on fire and there is no way out. My Mum is my go-to person. 

Mums have the toughest job in the world but even in the toughest of times, they never fail.

#2- The Power of Keeping your cool

I always try and keep my cool.  Take a few deep breaths for instance.  The worst thing you can do in a stressful situation is freak out. 

Whenever I am stressed I make a conscious effort to not act like:

Because I don't want the situation to change to:

So I say:

I try to look like this guy:

And, act like this guy:

Stressing during a difficult time makes the situation worse. If you have a positive attitude you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

Freaking out gets you nowhere, being calm takes you everywhere.

#3 Perspective

Sometimes, what we deem to be “difficult” is far from significant in comparison to others. Every time I am having rough day, I always put my problems in perspective with others around the world. I am  privileged to have access to water, food and shelter - everything is a gift.

We all experience difficulty and we all have our ways of coping. However, sometimes what we deem "difficult" is insignificant, to situations such as war and starvation. 

Put your difficulties into perspective, then you will truly understand what "difficult" is.  

Answers to Antimicrobial Resistance...

Imagine that, five years from now, you contract a deadly disease.  There are over 160 different types of antibiotics, but your body has developed resistance to them all from repeated prescription and use. With no other cure available what do you do?

This isn’t an unrealistic image; although society is generally aware of the dangers of over use of antibiotics, there is a level of naïvity about the looming crisis of Antimicrobial resistance.

We are a society of overconsumption, in our eating, drinking and spending. Likewise, we have over consumed on antibiotics. A confronting statistic that puts our overuse into perspective can be seen that fourty-seven years ago we only needed 40,00 units of penicillin to cure pneumonia, today, we need 24 million units.  

Antimicrobial resistance (AMR), it is the ability of microorganisms (bacteria, viruses and parasites) to prevent antibiotics from working against it. AMR causes antibiotics that once worked, to become ineffective. This allows infections, diseases and other illnesses to persist and continue to spread. 

There are three main ways to try and turn this problem around:

1.     Firstly, antibiotic control programs can be run in hospitals. These programs involve education on the issue, alternative treatment guides, and mandatory approval for the use of restricted antibiotics.

2.     Secondly, the uses of computer-based programs, which sift through large amounts of information on a patient, to calculate whether antibiotic are necessary.

3.     Finally the most simple and yet high effective method is hygiene; washing of hands to stop the spread of infection and the need to use antibiotics.

These are not very onerous steps that will stop the rise of AMR. As a society we should be taking steps like these for the better good and with an eye on the long term rather than the immediate convenient short term.

The not so Happy Ending.

Everyone remembers his or her last day of school. The freedom, excitement and celebration of finally finishing.

Mine, however, was not as anticipated. It turned out to be a day of sadness, tears and disbelief.  I found myself having to execute adaptive leadership skills.

It had been a tradition for years to share an early morning breakfast, and move to a final whole school assembly dedicated to the Year 12s. It was considered a highlight for the school year.  I had two speeches ready; one I had looked forward to delivering all year, the speech to my fellow School Co-Captain, Bridie.

However, instead of our celebratory 7:15am breakfast, we were ushered in complete silence to the hall. We had no idea what was going on. Over a long four hours of “interrogation” (as some later described it) we were told that during the evening before some girls had taken “muck up day” activities too far. In a school that has a zero tolerance on muck up celebrations, consequences would follow for the whole cohort.

The verdict: Everything cancelled, everyone sent home.   

What our whole year had come to, the final pinpoint in the straw had now been taken away from us.

I will never forget the look of devastation, anger and shock painted on every girls face. The 75 girls I had led all year with Bridie were being punished for the actions of a few.  It had been the perfect year, but we did not receive the perfect ending.  

The effects of the decision were far-reaching for both students and teachers. It is difficult to explain how much this day meant to everyone, but for a while the decision broke the school community apart.

In such an important time (one week until VCE exams), I could not let the girls loose sight of what was “essential and what [was] expendable” (Heifetz, Grashow & Linsky 2010). We were in a period of disequilibrium. The 2014 cohort were imbalanced and lost, girls weren’t focused; many wasting time writing letters to the school instead of studying. They needed to be reminded of the bigger picture.

I wanted to “help people navigate through a period of disturbance.” As a School Co-Captain, my loyalties lay with my cohort. I knew these girls, I knew how hard they had worked all year, and I was not willing to let them forget that.  

To deal with the swirling emotions surrounding me I did two things; Firstly, I managed myself in the environment. I mentally chose to push aside the negative and distracting thoughts by putting them into a tiny box in my brain and locking it away.

Secondly, this then allowed me to “help people tolerate the discomfort they [were] experiencing.” I believed that my scope of authority permitted me to remind them whom they truly were, something I deemed important. My goal was to keep the temperature of emotions within the “productive zone of disequilibrium (PZD).” Heifetz, Grashow and Linsky (2010) classify this as a zone where people are “mobilized to focus and engage with the problem.” To me this would be a zone where all girls would focus on their studies.

My relationship with the girls allowed me to utilized the notion - “solutions are offered based on trust and a mutual understanding.” I decided the following day to “counteract tactics” via posting the Year 12 reflection video I had been making all year. In a Facebook post targeting both the Year 12s as well as the rest of the School, I acknowledged the loss in a quote 

“Unless you have bad times, you can't appreciate the good times” – Joe Torre,” 

and stressed to the cohort the importance of returning to a safe PZD temperature.

The Facebook Post the day after with the video. 

Persistence and patience was needed, however I believed, not only as an elected leader and authority figure, but also as a person, that it was important to restore the “purpose and values” that were “at the center of [the girls} being” (D’Souza & Renner 2014).  They needed a place of balance and equilibrium. Every girl deserved the chance to achieve her best, and I wanted to ensure that happened.

Girls reactions and comments left on the post.

Girls reactions and comments left on the post

Girls reactions and comments left on the post.

Side note: As the post was viewed, it seemed to have a calming effect on the cohort “makes me remember all the awesome times” one girl commented. We have since received a sorry letter from the Leadership team regarding their decision. I am still in contact with teachers and the school. I miss it very much.

References

Alex Hopkins 2014, Vale to Sacre Coeur Class of 2014, online video, viewed 1 May 2015, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXm7DPgh1K4

D’Souza, S & Renner, D 2014, Not Knowing, LID Publishing Ltd, United Kingdom.

Skankman, M.L, Allen, S.J & Haber-Curran, P 2009, Emotionally Intelligent Leadership, Joessy-Bass, San Francisco.

*Pictures are screen shots of my own Facebook post, with names omitted for privacy*