Mothers.

School Years with Mum. 

Mothers keep the world spinning. 

As cliche as it might sound - My mum really is my best friend. 

She is the first person I go to when I need advice, the last person I kiss goodnight, she is the only one I would truly trust with my life. 

Peas in a Pod. 

"God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers"   

- Rudyard Kipling

Rhonda Hopkins is everyone's favourite Mum. She is fun, adventurous, helpful, loving, caring, but knows when to be tough.

She knows when you're down and something is wrong, even if you don’t shout it out like a song. She will give you a hug, or just a good talk, she will make you see the good in life.

I can not imagine a world without my Mum, she is the ying to my yang, the peanut butter to my jelly, the tim to my tam, the twinkle to my star.

Mum you are the smile to my face and I will be forever in your debt, because the love you have given me is irreplaceable and I will never forget.

3 Generations.  

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.”

― Washington Irving

Mum & I at my Year 11 Formal. 

The not so Happy Ending.

Everyone remembers his or her last day of school. The freedom, excitement and celebration of finally finishing.

Mine, however, was not as anticipated. It turned out to be a day of sadness, tears and disbelief.  I found myself having to execute adaptive leadership skills.

It had been a tradition for years to share an early morning breakfast, and move to a final whole school assembly dedicated to the Year 12s. It was considered a highlight for the school year.  I had two speeches ready; one I had looked forward to delivering all year, the speech to my fellow School Co-Captain, Bridie.

However, instead of our celebratory 7:15am breakfast, we were ushered in complete silence to the hall. We had no idea what was going on. Over a long four hours of “interrogation” (as some later described it) we were told that during the evening before some girls had taken “muck up day” activities too far. In a school that has a zero tolerance on muck up celebrations, consequences would follow for the whole cohort.

The verdict: Everything cancelled, everyone sent home.   

What our whole year had come to, the final pinpoint in the straw had now been taken away from us.

I will never forget the look of devastation, anger and shock painted on every girls face. The 75 girls I had led all year with Bridie were being punished for the actions of a few.  It had been the perfect year, but we did not receive the perfect ending.  

The effects of the decision were far-reaching for both students and teachers. It is difficult to explain how much this day meant to everyone, but for a while the decision broke the school community apart.

In such an important time (one week until VCE exams), I could not let the girls loose sight of what was “essential and what [was] expendable” (Heifetz, Grashow & Linsky 2010). We were in a period of disequilibrium. The 2014 cohort were imbalanced and lost, girls weren’t focused; many wasting time writing letters to the school instead of studying. They needed to be reminded of the bigger picture.

I wanted to “help people navigate through a period of disturbance.” As a School Co-Captain, my loyalties lay with my cohort. I knew these girls, I knew how hard they had worked all year, and I was not willing to let them forget that.  

To deal with the swirling emotions surrounding me I did two things; Firstly, I managed myself in the environment. I mentally chose to push aside the negative and distracting thoughts by putting them into a tiny box in my brain and locking it away.

Secondly, this then allowed me to “help people tolerate the discomfort they [were] experiencing.” I believed that my scope of authority permitted me to remind them whom they truly were, something I deemed important. My goal was to keep the temperature of emotions within the “productive zone of disequilibrium (PZD).” Heifetz, Grashow and Linsky (2010) classify this as a zone where people are “mobilized to focus and engage with the problem.” To me this would be a zone where all girls would focus on their studies.

My relationship with the girls allowed me to utilized the notion - “solutions are offered based on trust and a mutual understanding.” I decided the following day to “counteract tactics” via posting the Year 12 reflection video I had been making all year. In a Facebook post targeting both the Year 12s as well as the rest of the School, I acknowledged the loss in a quote 

“Unless you have bad times, you can't appreciate the good times” – Joe Torre,” 

and stressed to the cohort the importance of returning to a safe PZD temperature.

The Facebook Post the day after with the video. 

Persistence and patience was needed, however I believed, not only as an elected leader and authority figure, but also as a person, that it was important to restore the “purpose and values” that were “at the center of [the girls} being” (D’Souza & Renner 2014).  They needed a place of balance and equilibrium. Every girl deserved the chance to achieve her best, and I wanted to ensure that happened.

Girls reactions and comments left on the post.

Girls reactions and comments left on the post

Girls reactions and comments left on the post.

Side note: As the post was viewed, it seemed to have a calming effect on the cohort “makes me remember all the awesome times” one girl commented. We have since received a sorry letter from the Leadership team regarding their decision. I am still in contact with teachers and the school. I miss it very much.

References

Alex Hopkins 2014, Vale to Sacre Coeur Class of 2014, online video, viewed 1 May 2015, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXm7DPgh1K4

D’Souza, S & Renner, D 2014, Not Knowing, LID Publishing Ltd, United Kingdom.

Skankman, M.L, Allen, S.J & Haber-Curran, P 2009, Emotionally Intelligent Leadership, Joessy-Bass, San Francisco.

*Pictures are screen shots of my own Facebook post, with names omitted for privacy*

Thoughts.

Playing cards with my Sherpas on my trip to Northern India & Nepal in 2013.

Firstly, I would like to start by saying that my thoughts are with those who have been affected by the Nepal Earthquake.

It was only 2 weeks ago that my brother, Harry, returned from a school trip to Nepal. He flew into Kathmandu, he walked through Pokhara. Only two weeks ago Harry was standing in historic temples that today are unrecognisable ruins on the street. He would have been one of the last few to see Nepal in its true colours.

But what we reflect on most  is how lucky we are; 2 weeks difference. That's all it was for our lives to be changed for the worst. Imagine 35 Victorian school boys being caught in the chaos. I can not start to think how my family would be; the unknown and the continous worry until they returned safely. It was hard enough not hearing from him the whole trip, but imagine in a time like this.

It has also sparked concern in Harry towards the welfare for the locals that helped him on his trip; the sherpas, guides, cooks and all the people he met along the way. It also got me thinking about my trip to Northern India and Nepal and although we were mainly placed in India, the people we met could have been in Nepal at the time. You just never know.

Therefore, I think it is important to send out thoughts and prays to all those directly and indirectly affected. Everyone may unknowingly know someone - thinking and praying for them is the least we can do.